I’m just imagining a scenario where the guard walks in Eating For 2 Its Me And My Inner Fatass Not Pregnant Shirt and immediately does a 180 nope right back out lol. I used to work as a fire alarm tech. We were doing work in the pediatric mental health ward when this kid just pulls a Usain Bolt out of nowhere starts yanking fire pull stations. Got 4 of them down a hallway and around a corner in what must have been 15 seconds or less. Felt bad for security but it was super amusing to watch them try to catch the kid. Looked like someone had greased the kid whenever some one tried to restrain him. The kid loved the attention though, with dad, security, and care staff chasing him for a bit.
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I wore the “father” bracelet when my sister was giving birth to Eating For 2 Its Me And My Inner Fatass Not Pregnant Shirt my niece. She was going to be a single mom at the time and we were living together. It gave me access to come and go from the maternity ward without going through security all the time. Well my niece came out dark-skinned since her father is Jamaican decent. the nurses were all shocked and thought it was going to be a bad scene until they found out was just the little brother. I love that birthmark.